Three Conflict Resolution Tips For Youth Leaders
By Will Cumby, Fuel Networks National Director
Have you ever seen pictures on social media where a parent puts two quarreling children in an oversized t-shirt to help them work out their differences? It’s hilarious to the parents but also humbling for the children. The children cannot run away from their problems, and they are too close to fight about their issues physically. Stuck in that shirt, the children have to seek a solution.
Sometimes, family members fight, as do church family members and the members of our organizations that we call family. Then, sometimes, the community you are trying to serve is at odds with you. How do we seek a peaceful solution without damaging relationships and severing friendships while truthfully addressing the issue?
As convenient as it is to cut off anyone who is contentious about our way of doing things, it is not always advantageous. Ephesians 6:12 admonishes us to recognize that although we are arguing and fighting with people, the real enemy is the spirit behind their behavior. Here is a piece of advice—don’t win the argument and lose your testimony.
One day, while Jesus was teaching his disciples, the subject of resolving conflicts came up. As long as there are people, there are problems. I love how Jesus responds to the disciples with three direct points. All Jesus needed was a story and an organ; it would have been a modern-day church service.
In Matthew 18:15–17, Jesus says, “If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses. If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector.”
Three tips for conflict resolution within your organization and in your community based on Scripture:
1. Have a private conversation.
- Internally – Create a safe space for honest conversation away from the work environment. Grab a meal and allow for awkward moments of silence while seeking to understand and not to be understood.
- Externally – Invite them to a conversation away from the conflict. Look for common ground that both parties can build on. Include a neutral third party who also wants to see the community win.
2. Seek community support.
- Internally – Develop peer support groups within your organization to address conflict. By establishing teams focused on challenging areas, you can reach solutions internally and create processes to support others.
- Externally – Organize community outreach programs that promote unity and understanding among diverse populations. These programs can help break down barriers and foster a sense of shared purpose.
3. Take it to the church.
- Internally – Have a church or program-wide meeting to bring everything to the table. One of my leadership mentors often says, “Clear is kind.” Having an open discussion to establish clear expectations and provide honest feedback gives direction and stability to everyone on the team.
- Externally – Implement church-led initiatives that promote reconciliation and justice. Initiative options include volunteering in the community, providing resources to those in need, or advocating for social change.
Our communities contain many diverse individuals who are passionate about their concerns. Conflict is inevitable. I encourage you to embrace the teaching of Jesus in Matthew 18:15–17 and His three principles for resolution. Every day, you carry two buckets with you. One has gasoline, and the other has water. Before you dump out your solution, take a moment before you speak, listen intently, and throttle your fury. Mutual respect is crucial in conflict resolution. Together, we can build stronger, more resilient communities where everyone feels valued and respected. Let us strive to be agents of peace and reconciliation, working together to create a more harmonious and just world.
To gain more insight on conflict resolution, check out Tools, Tips, and Takeaways Season Four in the UYWI Leadership Library.
The Fuel Networks are powered by UYWI and DVULI. To learn more about joining a Fuel Network and how we serve urban communities nationally, visit FuelNetworkPartners.org or contact us.
